I have nothing right now. But one day I’ll have it all. I have a fire that burns in my soul that demands greatness. I have a fire for love and I have a fire for others. I have a fire that wants to be unleashed upon the world to spread among all of the people living here within me. I want to unleash the fire and watch the world burn with my love. I want to give it to everyone I can because I have so much to give but I can’t yet. First I need to find the key. I need to find out how I’m going to unleash it.
I need to find my passion. I’ve always loved helping people, I know that’s what I want to do. At first I was going to triple major in biomedical engineering, chemical engineering, and neurology. I was going to cure dementia. After I found out that people were already on the way to that I decided to change gears, I’m currently on the path to a double major in physical therapy and psychology. The plan is to open a nonprofit rehabilitation center for veterans injured in the line of duty. I think that’s an awesome and noble idea. I think it’s a worthy cause. I think it could help so many people.
Do I think it’s what I’ve got passion for? I used to. Recently I’ve been discovering more about myself, things I don’t really think are bad, they just are. I’m less interested in the gym, I don’t have a passion for fixing you physically, and I REALLY have a passion for helping people overcome their mental barriers and get their life in order.
My family and I have taken in many people over the years. My sisters best friend, abused at home, basically lived with us for most of my childhood. I learned from a young age that you do good to people in need. That was just the start though, my sisters boyfriend lived with us for 5 years through high school. Again, abused at home and we took him in. A friend, Mark, was homeless, I let him live in my own apartment for a few months while he got himself together. Another friend, Aaron, and his girlfriend, Beth, lived with me for a year after they got kicked out of their home. I was about invite another friend into my home just this last month actually. I’d already started preparing before he found a living place.
I could definitely help a lot of people with their minds as well. I have been delving into the my mind and others for the past 18 years. Ever since Richard was taken from me and I needed therapy myself. After I recovered from that I took psychology in high school so I could learn more about who I was and what I needed to grow as a person. This is actually unrelated to my next paragraph believe it or not. I didn’t take those classes to help others, I need to be fixed and therapy wasn’t helping enough so I did it myself.
I became my friends go to whenever they had a problem because I always had an answer for them. So I thought at least, I certainly made mistakes with them, I can think on one in particular with a friend Brandy. She was struggling with with her decision to date an older boy if memory serves. We sat in the hall together and she told me she didn’t want me to think less of her for her choice and I basically did just that. If you’re reading this just know that I’m sorry and that I think about that day pretty frequently as a reminder that I am no one that can judge and that I need to support my friends even if I don’t agree with their choices.
Back on topic though, I became my friends confidant. Even after all these years I’ve still not spoken a word of what they said to me. Even after they hurt me I still kept their secrets. I never understood why I was the one they came to in high school though. I never really questioned it much, I was happy to be around people. I love people. They trusted me though and I wasn’t going to break that trust, I couldn’t.
I was told by someone I go to school with, someone I actually like quite a lot, that I’ve got a calming presence. I’d sort of discovered that over the past couple years but her telling me really brought it to the front of my mind. I’m relaxed, I’m collected, I don’t have much anxiety or fear in my life. But I think the biggest thing is that I trust people. I take them at their word, I believe them when they tell me something. Don’t think I’m gullible though, I don’t believe everything I hear, but I generally tend to trust people when they tell me about their feelings. Or I trust that that’s what they believe at least.
So I’ve reached a sort of impasse. Do I focus 100% of my time on psychology and drop physical therapy or do I continue down this road and hope for the best?
I post a lot dark, a little cute, and a fair amount of art. I do photography and am almost always interested in meeting models and doing photoshoots. I'm super new but I'm learning a lot from my classes and I'm having a lot of fun! I'm huge into music and video games as well. Ask for my steam.
